When I Stopped Pretending
When I stopped pretending that I didn't know what to do and started asking why I didn't want to do it, the healing began. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to heal the whole time I was following different diets and trying to force my body to fit into clothing from before I ever had children, it was more that every time I hit my goal, self-sabotage set in. Even now, I can feel amazing in my body and then feel frantic and run to eat food. Even now, I am still human.
The difference is that now I pause and get curious. Why am I uncomfortable when I feel good in my body? Why is dieting the thrill for me, rather than living in a body that I love? These answers bring me to a space of self-discovery. I am learning to respect my history and the present moments that are often the trigger for this escape response.
The pause gives me the space to make a choice. Sometimes, I still choose to eat instead of feel. Usually, this happens when I am tired and low on self-care. Lately, I tell my family that I am taking a quick nap and they are happy for me. It turns out that modeling self-care is one of the greatest gifts I can give them. As I continue to ask myself why I want to eat, the healing grows deeper within me and spirals out into my loved ones.
Join me in taking the chance to discover, unearth, and grasp this elusive part of you. Begin to face the part of you that asks “what” instead of “why”. Get ready to unearth the magnificence that is only you.